Well this week has been a bit crap.
Disappointingly it’s only Monday.
But I get this sometimes when I sink into self pity and a general mire of ‘woe’ because one or two things happen which push things slightly over the precipice of complete shitness.
Don’t worry I will be fine – I always am – but it’s times like these that I have to take a deep breath and refocus.
You may have similar moments where things are simply ‘unfair’ it feels like everywhere you turn someone or something is out to get you.
What I want to do is stamp my feet, shout, scream, be HEARD, tell everyone this is UNFAIR!
I really, really want to do this, but I know that I can’t.
You see there are so many people worse off than me, it makes me feel like a petulant child. Except I’m not. I’m an intelligent, grown woman.
It’s a constant battle to take that deep breath, to count my blessings (I used to hate it when people told me that, what do they know about what I’ve gone through!!) but it does help.
Yes things aren’t always easy, but I’ve never gone hungry and it’s been many years since I was without a roof over my head – and in fairness that was only for a few days because I was too proud to go home.
So what is my problem?????
The answer is: I keep on picking myself up, and picking myself up, and picking myself up and it’s getting tiring… no jokes about weight here!
Sometimes it’s tough when from the outside and at base level I have nothing to complain about.
Except I FEEL broken.
I am blessed with so many talents which I love to share but I’m always on the outside, totally my own fault as I don’t feel comfortable around people, I know they don’t bite (well mostly) and I’m a naturally outgoing person on my outgoing side…
I’m totally rambling now!!
The best thing I can do is take care of myself, take time to breathe…
I’m going to recognise the things I can’t change and write them down, put them in an envelope marked ‘later’ and file them. (It may be a large envelope)
Next i’m going to phone my kids to tell them how proud I am of them – again don’t worry this is me making sure my wonderful children know that they are valued not a suicide call!!!!
I’m then going to walk my gorgeous dog and take note of the things around me, the way the light catches on the ocean, the shapes the shadows from the trees make… I love nature it is so beautiful and asks for nothing in return.
I’m going to prioritise time with my wonderful husband – he may not appreciate this but it’s happening anyway!
and create things that I can give to others…
Recharge my soul for a day or two.
Pick myself up.
Assess my situation and if there’s something I don’t like, take measured steps to change it, whilst acknowledging that change doesn’t happen overnight. I’m not naturally patient so this is the difficult bit.
The sun will set, the moon will shine and the sun will rise again.
In more words of Monty Python…
Always look on the Bright Side of Life, de do dedo dedo dedo